i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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