Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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