he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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