i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
