Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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