I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
