at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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