im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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