well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
