Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
