I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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