i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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