Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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