Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
