There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
