why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
