why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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