She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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