i think my mom watched the whole time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize