Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
