I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
