And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
