Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
