Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
