you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
