you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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