I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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