I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
