I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
