Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
