in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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