he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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