one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
