I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
