This girl is more easily done than said...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
