Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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