I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
