I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
