so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
