I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize