i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
