You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
