I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
