I will die if light touches me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He? As in you personified your dick?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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