She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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