I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
