1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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