she peed on how many people?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
