I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
