You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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