Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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