Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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