So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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