dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
