I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
