the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
