I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
