Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
