When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
