I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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