My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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