I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
