just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
