someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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