Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He better not be in your backpack
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
