I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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