so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
